poppies in blue

blue

poppies in green

a little louder, a little slower

I just saw half a minute of President Obama's chitchat with the Queen of England.

That was, in essence, a tall polite man talking to a little old lady.

henry coe state park again. I was left in the dust beginning and end.

california poppies

odd looking red flower I found at the top of the mountain

people like to bike where I hike

Sometimes they come from behind super fast.

someone suggested I'd go platinum

After the chemo my hair grew back gray. The chemo didn't make it gray, it was gray before. But it had been covered by color for the past 20 years so no one really knew that it was that gray.

Looking around me I realize no women my age have hair their natural color. I am the only one with the salt and pepper.

Every day I think about coloring. It would add some spark to my face. It would make me feel younger. But I hesitate.

Someone told me I shouldn't color my hair until I have 'embraced the gray'. I can see the point of that. It can never be healthy to want to hide something about yourself.

On the other hand, who's to decide what is natural, anyway? Should we also not have our hair cut? What about wax, spray, gel?

People tell me they like my hair. 'You are totally rocking the gray', one of my students told me.

Women my age say they like it too. I tell them it's funny they like gray hair as long as it's not on their own head.

mats&cillan

I have friends visiting and we spend the day on the Stanford University campus. It’s mid March, and it’s sunny and warm. The lawns are green, and the palm trees too.

It’s really, really, pretty.

“Just imagine how it would affect you to be spending your time in a place like this”, one of my friends says.

I know exactly what he means. He means that it can’t be good for people to be that privileged. He means that it can’t be good for people to get used to a world that pleasant, because for the most part it’s not. For most people it’s not.

That’s what I think too, but I rarely say it. I don’t say it out loud because I know it’s an alien thought and I know many Americans wouldn’t understand, or wouldn’t agree.

I grew up in Sweden, and as of today I have lived in California for 14 years, 8 months, and 12 days. Before I moved here I lived in Göteborg, the second largest city in Sweden. There my friends and I went to a university with no real campus. The departments rented buildings here and there downtown, seemingly at random. We had class on the second floor above a cafe, or next door to a nightclub.

I had forgotten about the nightclub until I type this, but it’s true. That was the Department of Philosophy, and that’s where one of my friends who is visiting now got his degree.

I love California. The first year I lived here I realized that California on any given day feels exactly like a June day in Sweden. Yeah, June in Sweden is a little unpredictable. But it’s a lot better than December or February.

My friend’s comment, about privilege not being altogether a good thing for people, made me feel good. It made me feel at home. I was with people who think like me, talk like me, see the world the way I do. It was comforting.

As an immigrant you forget sometimes what it feels like to belong. You forget the comfort, and the warmth.

with correction: 20/20

I saw an optometrist today, and I just remembered that he called my prescription 'pretty massive'. I am no more nearsighted than I was before. What kind of word choice is that?

I am following ellen on twitter, hence this tip

from erik (in swedish, sorry)

This is an interview with a lady who had worked as a maid in the house where August Strindberg rented rooms around the year 1900. The lamp you can see Strindberg gave her when he was about to get married to Harriet Bosse in 1901. He gave away everything, and bought all new things for his new life. "But the marriage didn't last long", said the old lady.

so yeah, whatever you give up, you don't have to give up on sundays

I've learned from my friend the Catholic priest that Sundays don't count during Lent. Six weeks, plus the few days of Easter Week, makes 46 days. So for Lent to come in at the required 40 days, Sundays have to go. (My Protestant brain may have gotten the math wrong there, but you get the general idea.)

among the advice: don't listen to kfkd, the radio station playing in your head

Bird by Bird. Some Instructions on Writing and Life, by Anne Lamott. Very cool read for anyone wanting to write.

last week, santa cruz mountains

yeah.

I am sorry, but I really think Irish Car Bomb is an offensive name for a cocktail.

happy st. patrick's day with my favorite sad irish ballad

the swedish royal family, the prime minister, and a pink floyd cover

six months after I finished twenty weeks of chemo: a five hour hike

This is me taking pictures by the creek at the bottom of the valley. It was a long hike to get down there.
And then there was an equally long hike back up the mountainside again. (In this photo you can still see the creek.)
A mile and a half later this is what it looked like. From there we had a couple of more hours of hiking to get back to where we started.

Dan made me have chocolate cake to celebrate.

henry coe state park in the spring

I am so getting the t-shirt

Laura lent me this book yesterday. Instant favorite. And now I see there is a website. With merchandise.

abba, with heart

rufus+judy=<3

it's spring (babs, this is happy music)

social media, my ass

I am following John Cleese on Twitter.

I needed this badly

The collapse of the banking system explained, in just 59 minutes. From This American Life.

listen for what he says about professors and their heads

Watched this with my class yesterday. Get inspired.

the catholics

Someone I know has given up coffee for Lent. Her replacement drug: chocolate.

on a playground near you

I just remembered a story one of my students told the class a little while ago. He had been watching kids playing, and when one of the kids said something funny, another kid, instead of laughing, said out loud the letters making up an online acronym:

-LOL, LOL, LOL.

my car's younger brother

Here is a woman talking about her Karmann Ghia. And here is the New York Times story about her.

the united states, february 2009:

It's hard to get used to the fact that the President is a cool guy.

the oscars (liking hugh jackman a little bit less) (because I like billy chrystal)

I love Sean Penn, but I really don't love Slumdog Millionaire. What's with everybody?

Something else:

"If Harvey had not been taken from us 30 years ago, I think he'd want me to say to all those gay and lesbian kids out there tonight - who have been told that they are less than by their churches, by the government, or by their families - that you are beautiful, wonderful creatures that are valued."

Winning original screenplay writer Dustin Lance Black on Harvey Milk.

don't use a blow torch to thaw out frozen pipes

I just finished watching Frozen River. It really got to me so I didn't get through it last night, I had to continue this morning.

The movie is sad, and unsettling. In some ways it's a deep frozen down to the wire version of Crash.

Melissa Leo is fantastic. She's the most under appreciated actress out there, I think. She's been nominated for an Academy Award for this film and I hope she gets it.

certainly puts a new spin on 'black history month'

Cartoon in today's issue of The New York Post.

Post-racial, my ass.

a little bit of media research

I asked one of my classes to write on the board their main sources of information an ordinary day, and one girl put:

church
mom
Anderson Cooper

Funniest thing this week, I think.

I'll be honest, I don't watch espn all that often

Here is something for Black History Month.

and look, isn't that the secret terrorist fist-bump?

Thinking some more about La Misma Luna, here are two things I came up with:

1. The reason movies like Slumdog Millionaire and La Misma Luna irritate me is that I think they give privileged people a get-out-of-jail-card. Both movies show poverty and adversity, and they focus on individuals who break out of their circumstances. But most people never break free of circumstance, and poverty prevails. So, leaving the theaters feeling warm and fuzzy really doesn't help anyone. Even worse: maybe leaving the theaters feeling warm and fuzzy keeps us from doing something.

2. The one character in La Misma Luna that has stayed with me is Enrique. He is the immigrant who reluctantly helps little Carlito get to Los Angeles, and to find his mom. In a key scene he gives Carlito, and the audience, a speech. He talks about how no one would choose the life of an undocumented immigrant, how people who live like that do it because they have to. Everybody has a reason, he says.

We never learn Enrique's reason. In fact, we never learn anything at all about him. At the end of the movie he remains the anonymous immigrant. And that's why I remember him. He is the guy at the corner, the gardener, the bus boy, the dish washer. Ready to work, and with a deep personal reason that we will never know.

little heros

I finally saw La Misma Luna/Under The Same Moon last night, and I cried at the end. (Dan only lasted half-way through.)

It's a cute and sad story about a little Mexican boy who decides to reunite with his mother in Los Angeles. He gets himself across the border, and all the way from Arizona to California. On the way we get to see him connect with the lives of undocumented immigrants, and Mexican Americans: picking tomatoes, washing dishes, singing sad songs in Spanish about immigrant life (when he is given a ride by Los Tigres Del Norte, the Grammy winning group).

The movie reminded me a lot of The Italian, in which a young Russian boy runs away from an orphanage and sets out to find his mother.

In spirit both films remind me of Astrid Lindgren stories, where resilient kids take matters into their own hands, outsmart grown-ups, face challenges, and finally reunite with idealised parents or siblings. Stories like that are heart warming, but La Misma Luna is sad in that it reminds us of all the real-life kids who never get to go. Or who die in the desert and never make it.

from manuel (II)

This video will break you heart. Please click here and watch it now.

when you think of it

I have lived in the US for almost 14 years. During the same time my friend Hans has lived and worked in Croatia and Bosnia, Pakistan, India, and Indonesia. Right now he is in Côte d'Ivoire. He has spent a year or more in each place, and he has traveled a lot.

One time he was in Dubai, I think, on a lay over or a short vacation. The TV in his hotel room had many channels, but he said only one thing was on: Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, in lots of different languages.

Who Wants To Be A Millionaire is at the center if Slumdog Millionaire. I saw the film yesterday. I guess it's a feel-good story, but for me the feel-bad took over. Systematic child abuse, poverty, violence, police brutality, and violence against women. The differences between the haves and the have-nots in the world are unbearable.

I am not going to lie

I like Facebook and Myspace and the internet in general because it makes it easy to reconnect with friends. If you have moved and lost touch with people, finding them again is a really cool thing.

This has happened a couple of times now: I get a message from someone after a long while of us not being in touch. In their message they give a quick update about their life, and then they ask me how I am doing.

Because it's the truth, when I respond I tell them that I had breast cancer last year, but that I am doing great now.

Then I don't hear from them again.

When I was diagnosed with invasive cancer I made two decisions: 1. not to waste any precious hours, or minutes, of my life, while I have it, on worrying, and 2. not to hold it against anybody how they react when I tell them I have cancer.

So I don't hold it against anybody. But it does make me sad that they don't write back.

yep, this is why I know how to open oysters, and champagne bottles

My waitressing career was short. It lasted for about a month the summer I was 22 or 23. I worked in a restaurant attached to a hotel, and there were few guests. The chef spent most of his time trying out new recipes, and giving me cooking lessons.

Neither of us had any real bartendering skills, even though we probably served more drinks than dinners.

One time I made a Bloody Mary for Bo Holmström, a Swedish TV journalist. He liked his drink. I pretended it was good because I was a good drink-mixer, but really, it was good because I liked Bloody Marys myself and just made for him what I would have made at home.

The clip shows Mr. Holmström in 1975. He is standing in front of the West German embassy in Stockholm, where terrorists held hostages. What you hear is the bomb that killed 4 people, and injured 25.

spirit

I was talking to one of my students today, and she told me that her grandmother had lived through the Holocaust. She spent two years in Auschwitz as a teenager.

- Does she talk about it?, I asked.

- She does now, my student said.

Apparently the grandmother has started talking about her experiences after her husband died. My student told me that she says that his death is the greatest tragedy of her life. Somehow living through that tragedy makes it possible for her to talk about what is now the second most difficult thing she has been through, the concentration camp.

This reminds me of Elizabeth Edwards, the wife of presidential candidate John Edwards. She has said that breast cancer isn't hard for her, because she has already lived through the worst day of her life - the day her teenage son died.

What we learn? We learn that people who has faced death think that life, in any form, is better.

from manuel

life and death

I have a friend who's teenage nephew was in a serious accident over the weekend. His body is fine, but his brain is not. The family has decided to shut off the machine that is keeping him alive, and to donate his organs.

Before any of this can happen, the organ recipients need to be lined up. Therefore the boy is being kept alive for a couple of more days until everything has been arranged.

While his family sit in the hospital room waiting for the inevitable, other families are looking forward to surgeries that will save someone's life.

Here is info on how to register as an organ donor.

alice not in wonderland

Read this about the realities for young journalists in the US.

the world is weird and fun

I just got an email notifying me that Barack Obama is following me on Twitter.

Hi, Charlotta Kratz (LottaK).

Barack Obama (BarackObama) is now following your updates on Twitter.

Check out Barack Obama's profile here:
http://twitter.com/BarackObama

You may follow Barack Obama as well by clicking on the "follow" button.
Best,
Twitter

(Yeah, I added him first.)

Not that he updates a lot.

today's tip

New online forum for expat Swedes: Smågodis.

and that map has some funky dutch names on it

Letters of recommendation are very American things. You need them to apply for jobs, scholarships, and schools. I have had to ask for a few, and I have written many.

Yesterday I wrote a letter for a student who wants to study abroad in Cape Town, South Africa. I really hope she gets to go, because from what I hear Cape Town is an interesting place. Western European culture with a layer of Africa, just as California is Western European with layers of Mexico and Asia: cultures bleeding into each other.

I randomly met a woman from Cape Town at San Francisco International once when our plane was delayed. We spent a few hours people watching and chatting. I haven't talked to her since, but I get emails from her sometimes. Political mass emails I am assuming she sends to everyone she knows.

sometimes I love the internets

I am taking a journalism class online right now, and last night our teacher was snowed in and didn't make it to the chat. We didn't know that at the time, though, so there was a little irritation before we just went ahead and discussed each other's story ideas.

It was a really cool experience. Super simple.

1996+13

My favorite author, again, found something interesting: the young Obamas.

that's one of them right there, in that grainy photo

I went to a panel yesterday. Well, it was actually two panels, but on the same topic and with the same panelists.

Five young people talked about their experiences as gay and lesbian students on a predominantly Catholic college campus. It was interesting.

A few years removed from college they talked about growing up, coming out, and gaining and loosing friends. Mostly they were positive about their surroundings. They said a lot of the pressure came from the inside.

One thing is clear to me: Openly gay people are brave, and deserve tremendous respect. Every single one of them, whether they sit on panels or not, have faced challenges no straight person ever goes through.

true

It is better to die on your feet, than to live on your knees.
-Emiliano Zapata

it will make you happy

On Sunday, Sean Penn won a Screen Actors Guild Award for his portrayal of Harvey Milk in Milk. Not that awards matter, but he really was good and I think everyone should see that movie.

cannonball

if you see clint eastwood's gran torino you should also read this book

In his movie Gran Torino Clint Eastwood plays an old racist whose neighbors are Hmong. The Hmong is a South East Asian mountain people who were forced to relocate during and after the war in Vietnam. Many were recruited by the CIA and fought on the American side.

Anne Fadiman's The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down is one of the best books I have ever read. It tells the story of a Hmong family, a sick daughter, and their meeting with the American health care system. It's heartbreaking, and you learn more than you want to know about cultural differences, and how people manage, and not, to work around them.

the 70s are oh so far away

There was a guy in the record store today, trying to sell old records. I think he had gotten them out of his mom's storage, because he blamed her when the store wouldn't take them. He was told that records sitting in storage get warped, and useless. He didn't understand.

So the guy working in the store held up one record in his hand, and looked at it. Then he looked at the guy trying to sell them, and said, "They are supposed to be flat."

just look at that chubby little thing

Seems a Fiat-Chrysler deal is in the works. Good news? Yes, because this should mean that the Fiat 500 I wanted for Christmas may actually be available in the US sometime in the future.

I sold some old junk and bought this

Rufus Wainwright sings Judy Garland. More:

david letterman is not my favorite, but this is pretty funny (thanks noel)

imagine that

My biracial friend pointed to the face on the TV screen and asked her multiracial daughter, 2-and-a-half, if she knew who it was.
-Uncle Prez-e-dent!, the little girl said.

"Apparently she feels a connection", my friend commented.

And I am thinking of all the biracial students I have had, and how all of them have said that they wished there would have been a family like theirs anywhere on TV when they were growing up.

separated at birth

inauguration

januari 20, 2009

On Februari 20, 2008, one of my former students, who now teaches 4th grade, had this to say about Barack Obama:

As a black person in America this is the first time I've ever been able to tell my little cousins, you can be president and really mean it and have proof to back it up. As a teacher, I can look at every student in my classroom and say you can do it too.

anniversary

Happy 3 years, blog.

fastest dinner

Olive oil, onion, garlic.
Salt, pepper. Crushed fennel seeds. (Saffron?)
Chopped carrot, ginger, red pepper. (Fennel?)
Water, white wine. (Cream?)
Sugar?
Boil.
Shrimp.
Pull from heat the second shrimp are done.

california is green right now

mlk day last year I was diagnosed with invasive breast cancer. I haven't been to the top of this mountain since. until today.

males

I liked Clint Eastwood's latest movie, Gran Torino. I liked The Wrestler also. That's the one where Mickey Rourke makes a comeback playing an aging professional wrestler.

Both films have a strong male ego front and center. Both men are uncompromising. Their endings are similar.

The testosterone is flowing. Mickey Rourke's is tempered by a goodhearted stripper, Eastwood's by a young Hmong woman living next door.

They say there are no supporting characters in real life. But movies sure still have them.

humans

There was a plane making an emergency landing in the Hudson River in New York last week. It was dramatic, and it was all over the news for days.

Everybody on the plane survived, and the pilot was named a hero seconds after the incident.

Tugboats helped rescue passengers, and tugboats were declared heroes too.

According to CNN or MSNBC, whichever I was watching, it was 'A New York Moment', and 'An American Moment'.

It was not.

It was somebody doing his job really really well, and others rushing over to help. That kind of thing happens everywhere.

I think there is something very unattractive about labeling compassion.

People always come together in times of crisis. What I wish is that people more easily would come together in times of non-crisis.

joe goes to israel

Found this at Babs'. And tell me it doesn't freak you out.

cooking, medieval style

So yeah I made gravlax, my favorite dish ever. You basically cover salmon with sugar and salt, and leave it for a couple of days. I used four tablespoons of sugar, and four tablespoons of salt, for every kilo of salmon. I let it sit for 48 hours, which was a little short. Next time I'll leave it for another day.

Spice-wise I made two versions: One was super traditional using black pepper, allspice, and enormous amounts of fresh dill. The second one had fresh ginger, lime, coriander seeds, and black pepper. Both turned out good, but not great.

Here is a good step-by-step recipe with simple instructions.

more from damien rice

I like sad songs

I just told Dan that "happy music is for losers".

I just found a cd with music from caitlin

e-waste

If you are in the US: click this link, and find a local recycling spot for old electronic equipment. Cool, huh?

new year's in dublin

I don't know why I don't like Bono. Here is, however, a column he wrote for the New York Times that I kind of like.

the mothership

The Mothership? Where all expatriate Swedes trek to refuel? IKEA, obviously.

JaCal, a Swedish woman living with her family in California (blogging here), said it.

smartypants strikes again

I created a wikipedia account tonight so I could edit the gravlax entry.

where I grew up, in winterland

Pretty, huh? I borrowed the photo from Gunnar.

helping the googlers

Bowie song in the trailer for Milk: Queen Bitch.
Bowie song in the trailer for Frost/Nixon: Fame.
Bowie/Queen song I heard yesterday in another trailer for a movie set in the 1970s: Under Pressure.

yeah, 'getting exercise regularly' is a tad more boring

My favorite author had borrowed a new year's resolution from somewhere, and it said:

My New Year´s resolution is to inspire, be fierce and never be ugly.

I think I'll use that one too. And I guess that means both of them already have made good on the first part there.

starting the year in style

Leg of lamb.
Garlic.
That's all I am saying.