walking towards the light

mendocino details

mendocino, calif.

roadtrip

Dan and I took a trip to Eureka, Arcata, Crescent City, Mendocino, and Fort Bragg last week. Bunch of photos are here: click.

pacific coast

pacific fog

stand up 2 cancer

I caught a glimpse of the Stand Up 2 Cancer telethon on Friday night. We were going out to dinner so I only watched for a few minutes, but had I had more time I probably would have watched more. As a cancer survivor I obviously feel a strong connection to others struck by the disease, and I value the support.

At the same time, there was something about the entire thing that I did not like. I couldn't put my finger on it, but the next day I found this column in the Washington Post, where writer Hank Steuver comes out kind of harshly against the telethon. He ends his piece like this:


[Cancer in America] is sacrosanct. Getting it, fighting it, coming back from the brink of it and even dying from it -- these are the sacraments of cancer, America's secular religion.

There are lots of comments to the column, and many of those are negative. How dare anyone criticize a good cause?

I liked the piece. It pointed out the use of celebrities to act as stylish preachers, and that hit the mood well, I thought.

But there was something else, too, that annoyed me. I realized I was annoyed the same way I was after having seen Slumdog Millionaire, the immensely popular movie about a boy from a Mumbai slum who wins big on a TV game-show. I think the movie turned an awful reality into a feel-good moment for privileged westerners, and at the same time allowed us, the privileged westerners, to continue doing nothing for kids who grow up with nothing.

The cancer telethon turned an awful reality into something palatable. It repackaged the horrors of cancer into something desirable.

I had five months of chemo. The reality? I hated being bald. I hated painting on my eyebrows in the morning. I hated gaining weight. I hated the smell in the chemo center. Now I have chronic joint pain. And those are the things I am comfortable talking about in public. There are many more side effects of chemo and radiation, during and after treatment, that I don't talk about. Why? I don't want to. It's private.

And that's not even mentioning the fact that cancer kills people. When you are diagnosed you are scared shitless. You deal with the information as well as you can, and you make choices that you believe will take you through the months of treatment that lay ahead.

I did well during treatment, I worked, and I didn't complain. I do well now. I can handle what's going on, and I am not scared. But that shouldn't lead anyone to think it's easy. It's not.

The telethons, and the well meaning, and well groomed, celebrities, and the bald women in chic glasses, all make it look easy and attractive.

I had a student once, a white young man, who said that "If I were Mexican my life would be easier, because then I'd know who I was". To any person of color that statement is laughable. It completely negates the experience of under represented groups. Obviously, in America life is easier for a white person.

"Cancer survivors have a purpose", said the Today Show's Ann Curry in an interview with fellow morning star, and cancer survivor, Good Morning America's Robin Roberts.

That's the image we want to see, and constantly recreate: Cancer creates strength and purpose, and beauty in bald heads. We're almost saying, as misguidedly as my student, that life would be easier if we were cancer survivors.

Cancer is not pretty. The fact that everything on television has to be pretty is doing a disservice to survivors, and patients, and to all of us. I'm not a very religious person, but it seems to me a dose of old-fashioned religion would be helpful. Instead of turning to a 'new religion', we should be grateful for what we have, value our time on earth, and try to do good. We all have a purpose. Cancer does not give that to us.

little 24 hour diner in arcata, calif.

See the cows there, up under the ceiling?

the jetty in crescent city, calif.

the lighthouse in crescent city, calif.

eureka, calif.

dispatches from daddyland

I've recently come across this blog (I don't remember how), written by an American living in Sweden. His reflections from the other side of Swedish-American migration, compared to my own, is extremely interesting. I recommend his blog to anyone curious on what that 'socialism' really looks like from the inside.

davenport, calif.

uphill

movies

Four good movies I've seen lately:

- Sweet Land tells the story of Norwegian immigrant farmers in Minnesota in the 1920s.
- In the Bedroom, lots of sadness but in a good way with my favorite Tom Wilkinson, and Sissy Spacek.

Those two were on Netflix. These two I've seen in the theater:

- The American, the new movie where George Clooney builds a gun. Don't trust anyone who doesn't like it. It's great.
- Get Low, with Robert Duvall and Sissy Spacek (again, but that's a coincidence). Lovely.

truckload of new photos

I've updated my smugmug galleries. Click here to see new Hipstamatics, and here to see new regular old photos.

will cancer kill you?

Everybody's favorite actor, Michael Douglas, has been diagnosed with stage 4 throat cancer. He has a tumor the size a walnut at the base of his tongue, that was caused by drinking and smoking. Stage 4 means that the cancer has spread to other organs, and in general that is a very serious diagnosis.

Obviously this is awful news. On Tuesday Douglas went on the Late Show with David Letterman to talk about his upcoming film, and his illness. It seems that he and Letterman are friends, and it was a touching interview.

Today I caught a minute of Entertainment Tonight (or some show like that), and heard a woman ask the rhetorical question, "Will Michael Douglas loose his famous voice?".

Well, he might, obviously. And I am sure he is dealing with that possibility as well as he can, given the fact that his voice is his livelihood.

Famous people with cancer or other challenges are often held up as examples in our culture. They are complemented for their strength, and fawned over.

Or, they are treated with no respect at all. Drives me crazy.

grandpa climbing a tree

dirt and a red bucket

I just found this photo of my grandma and me. I've always liked it because I like how grandma is sitting in the dirt in her city outfit playing with me.

I'm around a year old, and my grandma is a little over 60. It's amazing to me what 60 looked like then, and how different it looks today.

(Grandpa took the picture. He had a good eye.)

the pacific, dec. 2009

oso flaco beach, calif., aug 10, 2010

dan at oso flaco beach, calif., aug. 10, 2010

nothing you have to say can be that important

One of Dan's sisters was hit from behind and pushed into oncoming traffic when driving home from work a while ago. No one was hurt, but someone coming from the opposite direction had to drive into a field to avoid a collision.

My office mate's husband was in a similar accident a couple of months ago. He was the passenger in a car waiting at a red light when they were hit hard from behind and pushed into the intersection. No one was seriously injured, but my friend was bruised and hurt when he was thrown first forward, and then back. He's a big guy. The car seat broke from the impact of his weight. They were lucky no other cars were traveling through the intersection at the time.

Neither of the drivers hitting my friends from behind had time to brake. They didn't even engage their brakes. Why? They were both busy texting.

Tonight when Dan and I were driving to San Jose we noticed an SUV swerving and straddling two lanes on the onramp to 280. As we passed the car I turned around to see what was going on.

The driver was a guy, around 60, and he was operating a smart phone with both of his hands, looking down at it.

He was steering with his knees. He was going 50 mph.

get low

Get Low, a movie with Robert Duvall, Bill Murray, and Sissy Spacek, is really really good. Here is the trailer:

what an i can do, and an s

The HR department where I work puts on workshops. The fall schedule is just out and I glanced through it. Given the times that we're in, the title "How To Lead More Effectively With Less" shouldn't come as a surprise. But I read it as "How To Lead More Effectively With Lies".

the mlk library, san jose, calif.

downtown san jose, calif.

santa cruz mountains, calif.

ice cream-y

Freeze some bananas. Peel them first and cut into pieces.

When the bananas are frozen solid, get out the food processor. Throw in some pieces of banana - one banana per person is plenty. If you want you can add frozen berries, like blueberries or strawberries. 

Also add some vanilla, and sugar to taste. Maybe a splash of orange juice or lemon. 

Add a larger splash of milk, and pulse. Watch the consistency, and add more milk until everything is smooth and ice cream-like. 

Yesterday I made a version with banana, milk, lemon, brown sugar, vanilla, and Bailey's Irish Cream. Yum. It was for Dan but I had a taste.

equality

There are two things that are especially attractive to me in the American constitution and in American society: freedom of religion, and the absence of royalty, nobility, and hereditary titles. Freedom of religion is protected under the 1st amendment to the constitution, and when you become an American citizen you are stripped of any titles.

Sweden didn't have true freedom of religion until 1951, when Swedish citizens were allowed to leave the Swedish Church without being forced to join another church instead.

The Lutheran Swedish Church was a state church from the 16th century and until the year 2000. Up until 1996 you became a member not through baptism, but through birth.

Growing up I had Jewish friends who had had to wait until their 18th birthday to be able to leave the Lutheran state church.

The Crown Princess Victoria of Sweden got married earlier this year. I watched coverage of the ceremony and the dinner online. It was pretty, extravagant, and the couple was radiant. But after hours of commentary around who (of European royalty) was there, what they wore, and how they (in the European nobility) were all related, I had had enough. I started seeing not individuals, but an archaic system.

The Swedish monarch, now Victoria's dad, King Carl XVI Gustav, has no real power. He and his family act as bejeweled goodwill ambassadors at home and abroad. The cost for their upkeep is increasing every year. According to the Swedish daily Dagens Nyheter, for the year 2010 Swedish tax payers will chip in 17 million dollars. They have staff, palaces, and travel expenses. They have to be addressed formally. Women are to curtsey.

Of all the ways someone can earn your respect, being born into a position ranks real low for me.

cancer and estrogen

Since being treated for invasive breast cancer two years ago I've had to make some changes to my diet. The type of cancer that I had is sensitive to estrogen, so I should avoid any foods with high levels of plant estrogen. That means soy, most importantly, but also other beans, and grains.

The research around plant estrogen is not conclusive, though. It's actually contradictory. Plant estrogen can alleviate symptoms of menopause in healthy women, and some argue that it protects healthy women from breast cancer. But in my case it's the other way around.

In addition to the plant estrogen I'm avoiding food stuffs that are bad for you in general, or bad for cancer patients in particular. This is what I don't eat or drink:

red meat
alcohol
coffee
soy
garbanzo beans
flax seed
sweets, desserts
anything white (rice, white flour, sugar)

There are also a bunch of chemicals that act as estrogen in the body. Those include BPA, which is used in plastics and in the lining of cans, and parabens, which are preservatives that are used in skin lotions, shampoos, and other cosmetics.

I don't store food in plastic containers, and I don't eat or drink anything out of a can. The parabens, though, are harder to avoid. But I'm working on it.

utlandssvenskar

The Swedish language actually has a word for Swedes living abroad: utlandssvenskar. The literal translation would be abroad-Swedes, or Swedes abroad. I've asked a few people, but I haven't been able to find another language, or culture, that makes the same distinction.

The connotations of 'Swedes living abroad' are not positive. The stereotype is negative: someone who retires early, moves to a warm and sunny climate, and from that vantage point proceeds to criticize the old homeland, while at the same time growing increasingly out of touch with what actually goes on there.

Obviously this is interesting to me because I am one of those Swedes living abroad, and I don't think the stereotype applies to me. I keep wondering why this category exists, what that reveals about Swedish culture. I haven't been able to come up with a good answer.

choices, choices

So I haven't shopped at Whole Foods for a year, sticking to the boycott initiated after the the CEO weighed in against President Obama's health care reform.

Now I am asked to boycott Target, because they have given $150 000 to a Minnesota politician who opposes gay marriage.

I'll do it, no problem. But where am I to get my stuff? I guess I'll just have to avoid news stories about Safeway and Trader Joe's.

they said it was a 'thick shake', but it really was scandinavian style soft ice cream

solvang, calif: a bit of denmark in the us (III)

solvang, calif: a bit of denmark in the us (II)

solvang, calif: a bit of denmark in the us (I)

what is an amendment? what is the name of the ocean on the east coast of the US?

I'm studying for my citizenship interview. Here are the questions I need to know.

an afternoon by the creek

cactus

rose

dan and the 3D glasses

gay marriage

People who are saying that gay marriage is a threat to traditional marriage are really saying that gay marriage is a threat to the unearned privilege that is granted straight people, and they don't like it.

(Here is a link for the court's decision in the case that ruled California's Proposition 8 unconstitutional.)

strawberry lemonade and a strawberry lemonade shirt

looks like they are floating, right?

poem (II)

I hate pollen
pollen hates me

everyday on the pollen report
it says
"today: moderate levels
tomorrow: low"

poem

being american
means
having someone drive you to your car
(after you went somewhere together in
their car)
and when you see
not yourself
but your car
down the street
you say
"that's me"

my two cents

I'm watching President Obama on The View. He just said that yes, there are still differences in society, but the important thing is for us to treat each other right, and try to see life through other people's eyes.

The problem with that? That we can not think our ways into someone else's experience. We have to learn about the lives of others in order to understand them.

I tell my students over and over again that understanding is not an attitude, but that it has to be based in knowledge. Students may come into an Ethnic Studies class thinking that they have the right attitude, but when they leave they say that "never knew what it was like before".

We live in a society where one version of the world (predominantly white, heterosexual, and male) is held up as an all-encompassing truth. What we need to learn are three things:

1. White, heterosexual, and male people think that they know what the world is like, because their own image, and attitudes that support it, is reflected back at them wherever they turn.

2. There are pockets of knowledge among other groups that rarely rise to the surface of our collective culture. If they do, those images are often produced by the dominant culture, for dominant culture consumption.

3. We need to learn to be sensitive to the experiences of individuals in both dominant groups and underrepresented groups, through conversation.

what's a girl

In her new movie Salt Angelina Jolie is supposed to be a super athletic spy. But any time she runs you wonder what's wrong with her.

I think I've figured out Angelina Jolie's one weakness. I think she might run like a girl. And I think that doesn't go well with the industry's fantasy image of a female super spy.

I think it took a lot of movie making effort to take out the girlishness. The end result is that she looks awkward, and she doesn't look strong. But I bet if they had let her be, her natural athleticism would have come through.

I think they built the tower just for the pigeons

Kathy and I moved into a new office at work last week. This is our new view. Pretty.

it's time

Hard as it is I've decided to sell my 1972 Karmann Ghia convertible. I just bought another convertible, and I don't have the time or interest to give this one the attention it deserves. There are more photos here. If you want info, email me. Yeah, it has nose damage and needs a new top. But it runs great!

the deal with the ä and the ö

Babs told me about this very funny bit in the current issue of The New Yorker. Nora Ephron makes fun of Stieg Larsson. Only problem? Ephron doesn't know that a Swedish keyboard contains the actual å, ä, and ö letters. The title of the piece is The Girl Who Fixed the Umlaut, and Ephron, along with every other American, is stuck in the belief that the two dots above the o or a, to make the ä and ö, are umlauts. They are not. They are parts of the letter. Ä and ö aren't as and os gone wild, they are real stand-alone letters.

How?

Well, umlauts indicate vowel shifts. Some uses of å, ä and ö in modern Swedish can be traced back to vowel shifts in the original German (from which lots of Swedish words were borrowed), but in some instances (and to the general public) å, ä and ö only represent sounds. (That was probably more than you wanted to know, but it's Saturday and you have the time.)

Here is a long complicated wikipedia article on the matter. And read Nora Ephron's piece. It's super funny.

something else we never knew existed

I experienced some very weird flashes of light in my field of vision this morning. Obviously this made me think of brain tumors, and stroke. So I called the doctor, and had an appointment with an eye specialist two hours later.

The verdict: An ocular migraine, meaning symptoms of migraine, but in one of the eyes only. Some people get the headache and the nausea too, but I didn't.

Thanks Dr. Duggan, my new favorite physician.

one counselor per 2400 students

Apple products - ipods, iphones, ipads, computers - are marked "Designed by Apple in California", evoking sun, palm trees, and capability. Here is a San Jose Mercury News article about the situation in East San Jose High Schools. That's California too.

all you can eat stinky fish

I may be the only person who is excited about this, but IKEA East Palo Alto has an all-you-can-eat Midsummer Buffet Dinner from 5:30-8:00 this coming Friday.

new batch of photos

I've updated my hipstamatic smugmug galleries. Click here to go there and have a look.

dan's uncles

veggie soup

Dan likes to make vegetable juice in the juicer. It's healthy, and tasty. The only downside is all the pulp that is left behind. It's such a waste throwing it away.

A couple of years ago we would make little patties: We'd take the pulp, mix it with egg, boiled potatoes, and spices. Then we would form patties and dip them in bread crumbs, and fry them. It was pretty good.

Today I made a soup. I cut up onion, garlic, carrots, and cauliflower, and sauteed it for a while. Then I dumped in the pulp, and spices. I added water and chicken stock and let it boil until the carrots were soft, before I blended everything using the hand blender. It turned out well. I ate mine with some truffle oil on top, but Dan sad no thanks to that.

looks like a church, right?

To celebrate the dual holiday of the Swedish National Day and National Cancer Survivor Day on June 6, Dan and I went to History San Jose. That is an outdoors museum in San Jose that features old buildings, a piece of a tram-line, and in all honesty not much more. But some of the old buildings are pretty, and they have an old fashioned soda fountain with ice cream sundaes, floats, and malts.

So we had ice cream, and wandered around for a bit. This pretty white building is an old fire station.

I love this photo of a soon-to-be college graduate

vanilla, yum

Today is the Swedish National Day, as well as National Cancer Survivors Day. Double reason for ice cream, if you ask me. Click here to see the sundae Dan and I split today.

speechless

Thanks to Mayka I found this well worth your time blog post by Roger Ebert: How do they get to be that way?

He is referring to a story about an Arizona mural, that had kids of color re-painted white, after racists had complained.

it's been raining a lot this spring

little red tree

worth the read

From the Washington Post, about the gayness, or not, of Elena Kagan.

why I love facebook

I got an ipad yesterday. (I had been looking forward to getting one for a while, and it's been a 24 hour love affair so far.)

Naturally, last night I changed my Facebook status to Ipad!.

Four people have 'liked' my status so far: Two guys I've gotten to know online thanks to doing iphone photography. They are grown-ups and both of them live in Italy. And two Swedish fifteen year olds: Gustav, my nephew, and John, the son of my best friend.

An equally random group of people have commented on my status: A couple of colleagues, Gustav the nephew, a former student, an old friend who lives in the Netherlands and who I rarely see, and another old friend who lives in Australia.

I think that's so cool. Facebook brings people together in unlikely combinations. For me, the different parts of my life actually come together too. I love that.

chad made smoke come out my ears

I learned today that the rabbi in this scene from Tony Kushner's Angels in America is played by Meryl Streep. If you are among the one percent of people who did not know that either, smoke will come out of your ears too:

egg plant

I've seen these flowers along the trail for years, but I have no idea what they are called. They are tall, and they remind me of big fried eggs.

I'm not making this up

It's interesting to me how cultures change, or not, as people migrate across the globe. This is what the Kingsburg Swedes were trying to sell to each other in the 95F (34C) desert heat.

swedish-american maypole

They celebrate Midsummer in May in Kingsburg, Calif., because no one can handle dancing in woolen costumes in the heat of California's Central Valley in June.

This is the dancing around the Maypole. Look at those skirts.

girls in traditional swedish costume, kingsburg, calif. (updated)

My mom tells me that the yellow dresses are from Leksand, and the costume with the pointy hat is from Rättvik. Both are towns in the province of Dalarna. During the time of national romanticism in Sweden at the turn of the last century the culture of Dalarna was elevated to represent Swedishness in general. Hence the popularity of these costumes, and the Dala horse.

During the same time, early 1900s, Kingsburg, Calif. was almost one hundred percent Swedish. Now, more than a hundred years later, you still notice an unusually high number of yellow-haired people in town, compared to anywhere else in California.

My mom was born in Dalarna, and she tells me that as kids in the 1930s, she and her sister would wear out their Leksand dresses, that's how often they wore them.

The Hmong, a people from South East Asia, believe that if you make babies look like flowers from above, evil spirits will mistake them for real flowers, and pass them by. I wonder if the long-ago Swedes had a similar idea?

the giant coffee pot in kingsburg, calif.